Diary of a Side Chick – Makhwapheni Episode 389

When a guy’s dick game is so good it can make a girl forget she has brains and employ the nanana between her legs to think. It has the powers to make you say things that you are likely to regret later. Many girls have said very incriminating things under the influence of orgasm. Nigger will ride you so well you will end up saying things like “babe o nnyoba monate go phala Peter”. Many girls won’t understand because they only read about the O in the magazines. Orgasm has powers to hypnotize one’s senses. I wasn’t the type to let monate wa pipi dictate what my mouth should ejaculate but that day I almost dug a grave for myself. If it wasn’t for Mpho’s pinch on my bum I would have told him I was with Brown at the mall when I was angry at him. I had to change the direction of my tongue before I offramped to the road to the cemetery. I continued “…uhm I almost drove to Limpopo during the day when I was angry at you for that stupid card. I am glad I came back. You just proved to me that you are a tiger in bed”. Mpho’s soft personality reminded me of my ex Dumi. Dumi was a good guy but his sex game was soft like his heart. Mpho on the other hand had dick game on fleek. He slayed in the bedroom. God does not make many guys like Mpho. It’s not everyday that God makes an intelligent rich hunk that knows how to play between sheets. Mpho went “you are so sulky my love. I told you that when I fall in love I love for real. I am not the kinda guy that plays with people’s hearts. I made a vow that I will never cheat on you and that is what I am gonna do. You need to trust me on this one. This dick is yours only. You are not going to share it. If it was possible I would lock it and give you the key”. His words made me feel at peace. It’s not nice go jelwa, especially if you really dig the guy. When I met Mpho I never thought our relationship would flourish into something so serious and undying. I thought he just wanted to taste the Shaz honey and pass like those who came before him.

Hubby and I slept like babies that night. I didn’t have any classes the following day. So there was no rush to wake up. We were in bed until midday. We didn’t shag, we just had a very long interesting pillow talk. If you don’t gossip with your man your relationship lacks sauce. A good bedroom gossip has powers to make a girl miss her man when he is away. He told me he would be going to Lephalale on Friday for a business meeting. I asked if I could go with him but he said no. I asked him why and he told me he was going with his father and some three business partners. He didn’t want me to be the only girl in a group of hungry lions. He told me I should use the time to do research about the kind of a wedding I wanted to have. He was right, I needed time to do a lot of thinking. I wanted an SABC 3 kind of wedding, not channel 161 wedding. We got off bed around 1pm to shower and eat. We had our lunch wearing nothing but towels. Those are the joys of being a young couple living together without other parties. You get to walk naked in the house without worrying about intruders. He went “I wish these left overs tasted like you my love. They are nice but they lack that marinade between your legs”. Lol Mpho was such a flirt and I liked it. I feel sorry for girls who have uptight guys. You know those kinda guys who only smile when they come. A relationship should bring happiness and joy in your life. If it doesn’t you should sit down and ask yourself if it is worth it. If your answer is no then you should use your feet to do the real right thing. There is no use in staying in a relationship that makes you feel like you need a passport to be happy. My relationship with Mpho was not perfect but it made me happy. It was one of those relationship that you sometimes pinch yourself and ask “is this real?”. Mpho told me that he wanted to take me shopping for new clothes and I smiled like a frog. Shopping is to girls what jumping is to ZCC men. You mention the word shopping to a girl and her heart reaches orgasm. That is why it is important for guys who are bad in bed to take their girls shopping regularly. If you can’t make her pussy wet at least make her heart wet.

Bae took me to Sandton and spent couple of thousands on me. He kept telling me that I shouldn’t worry about the prices because his woman deserved only the best. I don’t wanna mention how much I spent but it was a 5 digit figure. He didn’t even look worried or stressed about spending so much money on shopping. Some niggers would spend R105.99 on Mr Price leggings and remind you every morning that they spent fortune on you. Such niggers deserve a permanent leave from shagging shem. As we were walking to the parking I saw Brown walking with some guy. He waved at me and I pretended as if I didn’t see him. I didn’t want to give Mpho ideas. Within couple of minutes my phone rang in my bag. I went “it must be my mother. I told her I am in Sandton shopping. She probably wants to know what I bought. Hayi nxa this woman though”. I knew very well that it was Brown calling because he had his phone on the ear. Some guys lack respect with high grade. I was surprised he was in Sandton because he told me he was flying to kae-kae. Maybe he was one of those guys who made lying their hobbies. Mpho told me to answer my phone because he didn’t want our mother to get worried. I didn’t want to make Mpho ask many questions, so I answered my phone. As expected, it was Brown. I went “hello mama, I will call you when we get home. We are about to leave Sandton”. Brown laughed and said “ha ha ha smart girl. That must be your husband. I wonder what he was doing at a gay club the night before last. I saw him there around 2am when I went to fetch my gay cousin. Bye my daughter”. I added one and one and hundred. The night before last was the night Mpho didn’t sleep at home. Hubby went “you look worried my love. Did your mom say something wrong?”. I told him I was thinking about what we were going to eat because I was lazy to cook. He told me not to worry because we were going to buy ikota in Tembisa. He told me he was craving ikota. Mpho was so unpredictable. Who would have thought that a cheeseboy like him would want to eat a kota aka sphatlho for those who live in Pretoria? I loved him for that.

On our way home my thoughts were dominated by what Brown said. I went “babe, on the night you didn’t sleep at home, where were you Konje?”. He asked me why I was asking something that he had already explained. I told him “never mind”. I decided to let it go but deep down it was eating me. I knew Mpho had gay friends but I never thought he went to gay clubs. I thought to myself “this Brown guy is a liar. He wants me for himself and he is using high school tactics to win me over. Mxm he must do better than that”. After the thousands Mpho spent on me I had no right to doubt he was committed to me only. And after the A+ performance he delivered the previous night I had no reasons to suspect he was playing for Foschini. He was my man and loved me wholeheartedly. We drove straight to Tembisa from Sandton. My husband was very serious about buying spatlho. He bought top of the range kota. It had everything one could think of, from lettuce to mince. We took selfies holding kotas and uploaded them on Facebook and Instagram with the caption “when bae and I hit the kasi to eat spatlho. Love lives here #ShazPho #WaSwaMoloi”. I wanted hoes to feel the pain in their hearts. We all have those people who follow us on social media just to hurt their hearts. When you are happy they feel pain. I always wonder why someone would torture themselves like that. Bo Shaz will make you breathe ka di-pipe mrena. O tla hema ka di-pipe mmarena. We got in our German machine and headed home. I couldn’t wait to get to the house, I ate my spatlho on the road. It smelled so divine. I think we should have something like a black-owned McDonanld’s that sells kotas. I would love to open the first McSpatlho franchise in Dubai. When we got home Mpho attacked his Spatlho like I cheated on him with it. I looked at him as he ate and thought to myself “Brown wa nyela. My man is not what what. Look at how he eats the spatlho. He is literally murdering it”. My phone rang and it was Brown. I went “hello mzala. You are disturbing me hle. I am watching the most handsome man in front of me eating spatlho. Oh my hubby mara”. Brown told me to check my MMS.

I hung up and checked the MMS he sent……





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