“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time” – Mark Twain
You know you are in deep emotional pain when you are sitting but feel like you don’t have a bum. When you feel like your head is suspended in the air without a neck. It is in that instance that the only thing that makes sense would be to cry. Those who lost parents, kids and close family members know what I am talking about. You will look at the casket and hope to see the person walking out of it and run to you for a warm hug. Those are the salads of thoughts that got cooked in my mind. I was hoping and wishing for Mpho to appear from somewhere and shower me with the smile he used to marinade my heart with. The sounds of SAPS car sirens caught everyone’s attention. I was not allowed to leave the marque because I was the widow. Curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to see what was going on outside. People started leaving the marque. Black people are curious beings. I am sure some of them had their phones ready to record what was happening. By the look of thing Mpho’s family was well known in the area. I was not surprised when everyone grew interest to want to know what was really happening outside. Within couple of minutes I saw two cops entering the marque. As expected people took out phones and started capturing every moment. I could see the cops were looking for something or someone. I saw one cop pointing at my direction and the next thing they walked towards me. My mind wandered all over. I was trying to remember if I had committed crime in the past few days. I thought of what my mom did with the knife at Marcus’ house. Maybe the family member that got scratched laid charges against my mom. That was the only thing I could think of at that moment. I was already thinking of which cop to bribe. This is South Africa, people get arrested for murder and released same day because of lack of evidence or docket stolen. I slowly and strategically took off my wedges and prepared myself to run. There was no way I was going to sleep in prison on the day my husband was getting buried. It took the police more than 10 minutes to reach where I was sitting because people were blocking their way.
When they got to where I was sitting I quickly stood up and prepared myself for some Caster Semenya action. I was not going to let people capture my arrest. Imagine cops handcuffing you in front of thousands of people at your husband’s funeral. Knowing black people, they would make up stories about me killing my husband for money. We are the most creative people when coming to making up stories about things we know nothing about. A person dies now and an hour later there are more than 10 stories of how the person died. “Christina Moloi, you are under arrest for Conspiracy to Commit Murder, Defeating the Ends of Justice and Theft. You have the right to remain silent. Whatever you say can and will be used against you in the court of justice. You have the right to a lawyer, if you can’t afford one the state will provide,” the cop recited the rights to the lady next to me. Everyone was shocked in the marque. I think I was more shocked than everyone there. In my mind the cops were looking for me or my mother. I really didn’t see it coming. The lady didn’t even argue with the police, she gave them her hands to be cuffed. It was like she knew they were looking for her. I looked at her eyes and didn’t see any remorse. My blood boiled on the spot. I felt pity for her when she came to Phillip Nel and told me she was feeling the pain after Mpho’s death. She played with my emotions and I almost believed her. I still had the wedges in my hand. I threw them at her. One of them hit her on the face and the other one hit the cop. I looked around for more weapons but there was none near me. I decided to handle her like a WOMAN. I approached her like a crocodile gunning for a thirsty impala at the river. Within few seconds I managed to throw couple of punches. I was screaming as I hit her. “You are a bloody witch. Why did you kill him? How are you gonna leave your life knowing that you stole my happiness? You will never go to heaven. I hope you rot in jail together with the people who helped you to kill my husband”.
By the time the cops separated me from her she was already bleeding. One cop threatened to arrest me and I told him to go ahead. I didn’t care about any crap at that stage, all I wanted was to see that woman dead. My mom appeared from nowhere and tried to calm me down. I told her the woman killed Mpho and she lost it. She wanted to continue from where I left off but she was overpowered by the cops and some men. The cops quickly took the woman away. The place was full of chaos with everyone trying to get the best pictures and videos. I fell in my mom’s arms and started crying. The program director tried to calm everyone down but failed. People wanted the drama to continue. My mom whispered “I am sorry I was not here when everything started. I went to the police station with some of Mpho’s relatives to bail Dick out. He got arrested for shooting his sister’s leg in the middle of the night. He got information that she connived with some people to kill Mpho. This family is a mess my baby. I am glad you won’t be part of it anymore. After this funeral I don’t ever want to see you next to them”. I knew in my heart that Mpho’s aunt had everything to do with his death. I was not surprised when my mom confirmed it. She was probably planning to have the other girl inherit everything so they could share. The love of money is turning people into monsters. The funeral service only resumed after an hour. It was so sad to witness drama at a funeral of a man who lived his life peacefully. A very broken Dick was sitting not far from me with his other relatives. I could tell he didn’t change clothes because he had blood stains on his sleeves. After the service we drove to the cemetery, Mpho’s last home. It was the most heartbreaking scene ever to see Mpho’s casket consumed by the earth in front of my eyes. I cried until my eyes adopted Day Zero. My mom and other women tried to comfort me but it was difficult. At some stage I fell to the ground because my legs couldn’t carry the pain anymore.
It was even more painful to think that people who took part in his murder were beneficiaries of his good heart. He took care of them of them financially. It is true that people we care about are the ones likely to kill us. After the cemetery service we drove back to the house. Dick came and advised me to leave as soon as possible because the place was very unsafe for me. He told me he was going to Kenya with his wife for few days because his safety was also compromised. I wanted to ask about Mpho’s assets but my heart thought against it. I didn’t want to sound like I only cared about Mpho’s belongings. After talking to Dick my mom and the bodyguards came to fetch me and we hit the road back to Pretoria. I took a very long shower and slept afterwards when we got to Pretoria. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. Luckily my mom and Marcus didn’t bother me. Around midnight my phone rang. I answered and a male voice went “thanks for answering. I thought you would be sleeping by now. My name is Adv Kaizer Motlhatlhedi. I have helped Dick and Mpho with legal matters in the past. Dick has asked me to drop some documents at your place before I join him in Kenya early in the morning for some legal matters we need to discuss. I am sorry for coming this late. I had no choice because I still have to drive to North West and come back to Gauteng and fly to Kenya. I am outside your gate right now”. The surname rang a bell but the name was unfamiliar. It was a bit strange for him to rock up at my gate that time of the night. I told him I was not comfortable with seeing strangers that time of the night. He went “I am not here to cause any harm. I am the one who helped to release Dick when he was arrested last night. I am the one who helped the cops with Mpho’s case. I am the reason they arrested that woman. I am working closely with Dick to get to the bottom of what happened to Mpho. Only you and I know Dick is hiding in Kenya. Why would I know such privileged information if I am here to cause harm. You need to trust me on this one”. He was very convincing. I wanted to knock at Marcus’ bedroom to tell them about Adv Motlhatlhedi but heard some funny noises. My mother had nawa for days. She was probably on top of poor Marcus. I had no choice but to go alone. My aim was not to unlock the gate, I was planning to call Adv and ask him to throw the files over the gate. There was no way I was going to trust the stranger just like that.
I opened the main door of the house and the next thing I felt a glove covering my mouth.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE END
yoh yoh yoh i have no words, i would like to start by saying Lesego, you are an amazing writer, i only discovered this diary 2 weeks ago and from the moment i started reading it i could put it down i got so hooked.This diary is such an eye opener i could relate on quite a few instances, i hope other people get to read it, i cannot wait for the next chapter, Sharon in as much as she had skeletons in her closet we all do at the end of the day but the amount of pain she endured when she finally got to find happiness, was unbearable, no woman should ever have to go through such, most importantly i like the fact that this book has taught me that no matter the circumstances you may be in, or challenges you may face in life, always to put God first ,to let Him be the driver in your life and everything else will take its course, thank you ever so much for this opportunity you have given us, please continue with the good work…this diary is so thrilling, one finds themselves empathising on so many levels, i even found myself shedding a tear…
Ndidandathekile. Umphefumlo wam uxhelekile. Why didn’t they kill Dick or even Marcus
but Marcus has always been there for Shaz, they should have killed the aunt, she the one whos causing havoc
💔💔😫😫😫 awwo bathong Shaz
😩😩😩 still no post
I WONDER WHO IS DOING THIS NOW….. SHIT…..CANT THEY LET THIS POOR CHILD BE MARA, SHE HAS SUFFERED A LOT.
i am disappointed that you let mpho die.. what happens to you after this mxm so disappointed shaz.
and the waiting continues
can someone please assist with a link to Episode 1
I can send it to you via Whatsapp epi 1 to 179 or something like that but its in PDF form
Hi may you please kindly also send me episode 1
Can I also have the episodes I read 1-42 and I am dangerously hooked
can you pls also send epi 1 – 179
May u pls snd m pfd 2 evn if is nt cmplt
I meant pdf
please assist with a link to Episode 1via Whatsapp081 045 2057
shaz ukuphi ???
Atleast I’m not the only one that’s stressed by Shaz’s disappearance
I literally check every single day Lol ayy ku rough
namanje akakaveli
true keyaa, mina ndifun’kwazi ukuphi hawu, akavele simbone
Thank you Lesego for the diary.. it’s been an eye opener since I started following it in 2014. Thank you for sharing this experience more especially on the varsity life. I think I managed to get out of varsity without drama because of this diary. I just wish varsity gals learn a thing or two from this.. in general, Well done
Are we ever getting an insert nje? It’s almost a month now 🙁
Shaz will leave you with a rollercoaster of emotions -o kare she has a phd in bad decisions,not listening to her mom and not learning lessons from previous incidents even when they happen same day.i.e a sangoma tells you kuthi danger and you dont trust her maar you trust a girl you’ve just met…..tholukuthi usazoba string girl.life will deal with you until you either wisen up or die.
Haibo who is behind this now? Any news on when we gona get episode 456
i cant even sleep
Please inform me when its available
it been a while…..Shaz come back
Tomorrow we hit a whole month with no post
I can’t anymore😩
Where can I get older episodes?
You are talented..So where is the other part?
Shame Sharon.cant wait for episode 456.
same here, im so curious
when is the next episode coming? Please tell me that Mpho is not dead. I hope it’s one of those stories where they stage a funeral to chase away the bad people. My heart is aching over his death though.
The waiting is killing me Shaz …….cnt wait for episode 456
Greatings good ppl and Lesego…What you have done here is art at it best,it profound.Please tell me this is not the end I’m still im suspense…and I just wana cry when I think of what’s next.Please be so kind as to continue the book,you can’t leave us like this.Your writing is amazing 😭
Morning Lesego, I beg ooooo, can we please have the next episode? I love me some Sharon Letsoalo. This cannot be it, ngiyacela tu…
Jerrrr m hooked bathong..this is amazing work, the moment i started reading i felt lyk i ws prt of e story nje.
Hi my friend! I want to say that this post is amazing, great written and include approximately all significant infos. I?¦d like to see extra posts like this .
Like!! Thank you for publishing this awesome article.
Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people think about worries that they just do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks
Hi, i believe that i noticed you visited my weblog thus i came to “go back the want”.I am attempting to to find issues to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!
690959 855899hi and thanks for the actual blog post ive recently been looking regarding this specific advice on-line for sum hours these days as a result thanks 578491
155109 58658Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this in addition ?taking time and actual effort to make an outstanding article?however what can I say?I procrastinate alot and by no indicates appear to get something done. 711118
603273 5300Woh I like your articles , saved to fav! . 94809
429891 551284Cause thats required valuable affiliate business rules to get you started on participating in circumstances appropriate for your incredible web-based business concern. Inernet marketing 796064
323068 720384so considerably great info on here, : D. 849367
774244 343535Hello there, I discovered your blog by way of Google at the same time as looking for a comparable topic, your internet site got here up, it seems to be excellent. Ive bookmarked it in my google bookmarks. 63017
464430 55295Quite very good publish, thanks a great deal for sharing. Do you happen to have an RSS feed I can subscribe to? 204261
196926 850799I will right away grab your rss feed to remain up to date on any succeeding articles you may write 322191
238244 678350Take a peek at the following ideas what follows discover perfect approach to follow such a mainly because you structure your small business this afternoon. earn cash 46548
270181 34248Currently genuinely do not stop eating because there is however the decision which you will transform into. Work from your home us rrs often a fad for that who wants to earn money but nonetheless enough time requires most substantial occasions using children and kids goes for as the modern habit. attract abundance 860853
330528 552754You produced some decent points there. I looked on-line for any dilemma and located most individuals will go in conjunction with along with your web site. 414897
283580 172199Hello! I basically want to make a enormous thumbs up with the amazing info youve here during this post. We are returning to your weblog for additional soon. 924323
330758 164287Hello fellow web master! I really enjoy your internet site! I liked the color of your sidebar. 240435
761500 494458You Lastly want the respect off your family and buddies? 888389
679149 508320Woh I really like your posts , bookmarked ! My wife and i take concern along together with your last point. 158161
768207 176042When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new surveys are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I purchase four emails sticking with exactly the same comment. Perhaps there is by any indicates you might get rid of me from that service? Thanks! 439035
594801 730839Most suitable boyfriend speeches, or else toasts. are almost always transported eventually by means of the entire wedding party and are nonetheless required to be really intriguing, amusing and even enlightening together. very best mans speech 357841
482347 952376hi!,I like your writing so a whole lot! share we communicate far more about your post on AOL? I require a specialist on this location to solve my issue. May be thats you! Searching forward to see you. 65639
402298 852753I always was concerned in this topic and stock still am, regards for posting . 959027
833652 914012Merely wanna input on few common issues, The web site style is perfect, the topic material is rattling superb : D. 736286
939515 559002extremely good publish, i undoubtedly enjoy this web internet site, carry on it 546203
926256 658205Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I will be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently speedily. 195338
21161 876447I quite delighted to find this web internet site on bing, just what I was seeking for : D besides saved to bookmarks . 382652
What’s up to every one, for the reason that I am actually eager of reading this web site’s post to be updated on a regular basis.
It contains fastidious information.
436542 780295You wouldnt feel it but Ive wasted all day digging for some articles about this. You may be a lifesaver, it was an excellent read and has helped me out to no finish. Cheers! 407471
804678 509333Respect to author , some great data . 854151
842156 716290You produced some decent points there. I looked online for the concern and identified many people could go as well as using your internet website. 744957
Thanks for the post.Thanks Again. Keep writing.
323660 835764Quite man or woman speeches want to seat giving observe into couples. Brand new sound system just before unnecessary men and women ought to always be mindful of generally senior general rule from public speaking, which is to be the mini. finest man speaches 735730
190841 217975Should you are interested in picture a alter in distinct llife, starting up generally the Los angeles Surgical procedures fat reduction method is a large movement so that you can accomplishing which generally notion. shed belly fat 538577
374301 884031Having read this I thought it was really informative. I appreciate you taking the time and effort to put this post together. I once once again find myself spending way to a lot time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it! 433362
959186 611708Maintain websiteing stuff like this I in fact am fond of it 570358
I cannot thank you enough for the blog post.Thanks Again. Great.
A big thank you for your blog.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.
Im thankful for the post. Really Cool.
Hey, thanks for the article post.Really thank you! Much obliged.
Thanks-a-mundo for the article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.
Thanks for the post. Want more.
212040 602157hi!,I like your writing so much! share we maintain up a correspondence extra approximately your post on AOL? I demand a specialist on this space to solve my issue. May possibly be that is you! Looking ahead to peer you. 447247
Very informative article.Really looking forward to read more.
I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site.
I am hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you in the future as well.
In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get
my very own blog now 😉
I appreciate you sharing this article post.Really thank you! Will read on…
I truly appreciate this article.Really thank you!
Awesome article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.
Really enjoyed this blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.
Thank you ever so for you post.Thanks Again. Awesome.
I appreciate you sharing this article post.Really thank you! Really Great.
I cannot thank you enough for the blog.Really thank you! Fantastic.
Great post.Really thank you! Keep writing.
607552 564274I must admit that this is 1 wonderful insight. It surely gives a company the opportunity to get in on the ground floor and actually take part in creating something special and tailored to their needs. 451325