“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals” – J.K. Rowling
The biggest problem with men is their tendency to think our bodies belong to them. They don’t even ask if we want to sleep with them, they literally demand our bodies as if they have shares. That is what toxic masculinity plants in these people. These days we can’t even ask them to help us. You ask for help and they think you want to sleep with them. This is not what Nelson Mandela and Jacob Zuma fought for. I was shocked at what Luyanda said but I will be lying if I say I didn’t expect it. “Luyanda, what the hell do you think I am? Do you think I can just jump into bed with you because you offered me a couch to sleep on? Look at me to come nice boy!!! I am not Marcia. My name is Palesa from Soshanguve. My punani is not a Whatsapp stockvel. I hate you.”
He showed me the key and told me I had nowhere to go. I jumped off the couch and ran to the window. “Go ahead and jump from the 3rd floor. We will see if you will live. You think I am those Nigerians who pay for those thighs. I am Luyanda…..Yandi Yandi for you. I am gonna get what I want, right now,” he said walking towards me. I tried to scream but he quickly pounced on me and covered my mouth with his hand. “You and your friend planned the whole thing. You invited me to Sandton knowing very well that you were going to offer your bodies to those Naijas. Why do you always go for them when we have so many handsome South African men? After today you will never cross a border for a dick,” Luyanda said while forcefully taking off my clothes.
I always hear men saying why didn’t she scream or call for help. If you have never been in that situation you have no right to ask such stupid questions. Every part of my body froze when I thought of what Luyanda was going to do to me. My throat went dry. My brain lost its capacity to function. I was weak. I couldn’t even fight when he threw me to the couch and forcefully stretched my legs. He penetrated me without using protection. I looked at his face and there was no sign of guilt or mercy. He was THE MAN enjoying what he thought was due to him because I was stranded and looking for a place to sleep for the night. My only crime was seeking help. He even had the guts to ask if I was enjoying it. The tears on my face didn’t touch him in any way. To him they were tears of joy.
He went on for what seemed like a lifetime to me. Every stroke felt like a big rock was dropped on my heart. I heard him bragging about how his manhood was bigger than those of the Nigerians I was sleeping with. My dry pussy didn’t stop him from turning my body into a crime scene. His noisy squeaky sounds were followed my splash of warn drops inside me. I felt his cum hitting all the corners inside me. He got up and left me lying there like a cow. With teary eyes, I looked at him and saw a face of a very satisfied man. He was proud of what he had just done. I watched him as he went to the fridge to drink water to lower his body temperature. I wanted to ask him why he raped me but my voice was gone. I couldn’t talk or move.
I just lay there with my legs still open. I was not on periods but I could feel blood flowing between my legs. I was in pain, both physically and emotionally. I wanted to commit suicide right there. He offered me a glass of water and I just looked at him and said nothing. There were so many things I wanted to say but my mouth refused to open. I was shedding blood and tears at the same time. “O dramatic, you know? For someone who sleeps with Nigerians I expected your hole to be huge. I am shocked I struggled a bit to get it. It shows I am gifted. I can see you are hungry. Let me go buy food for us. We will do another round when I come back yeva,” he said proudly. I was a crime scene and he was a happy man.
Ten minutes after he left I went to his bathroom. I looked at the mirror and saw a very dirty person. I felt dirty and unwanted. I turned on cold water in the shower and let it rain on me. I cried and cried until my vocal cords couldn’t produce any sound anymore. I tried to scrub the dirt out of me but the more I did was the more I felt dirtier. I felt like Luyanda had stolen a part of me. I left the shower with my entire body still drenched in water. I threw myself to on couch and continued sobbing. I don’t know how it happened but I ended up passing out. I had many dreams that night. I saw an image of me sitting next to what looked like God on a rock inside a river. My sleep was disturbed by people arguing.
“Of all people in this world you just chose to cheat on me with….. WTF!!!!!!!”